


it is my right to feel happy

by Brie (Kura)



Series: Let The World Know [7]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1835215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kura/pseuds/Brie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Not gonna leave you,' Dean insists and juts his chin forward to make a point of his own. Roman is kinda flattered by his persistance to never let go of him but this isn't about them breaking up The Shield. Roman won't let Dean go anytime soon, won't even give him the chance to disappear out of his life again.</p><p>'You don't have to,' Roman soothes his brother's worries and rubs his shoulder gently in circles, planning on the repetitive motions to lull Dean into sleep. 'But you have to admit that it's a good diversionary tactic.'</p><p>'Doesn't make a lick of sense, Ro. We just stated, what, last week that we're still together, still strong and all that blah-blah.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of people came to me and said how horrible they feel for Roman; asked me about his thoughts, so here we go. I hope you guys find the answers you were looking for =) This fic is already finished, but it got so long that had to divide it into 3 chapters. I just hope that my prediction for tonight's Raw (especially the MitB ladder match for the contract) won't be too far off. I'll post chapter 2 on Wednesday and the last one on Friday. That being sad, have fun <3

'Hey, you got another one,' Dean yells from the bedroom and Roman sighs at his reflection tiredly. It's well past three am and he's so burned out, could fall asleep standing right here, still dripping wet from the shower.

'What's he saying now?' he shoots back, well aware that Dean has read the message already (being the nosy little boy he is). He's walked in on the other while stalking his phone yesterday – shocked and hurt at the heavy breach of confidence. What happened then... wasn't pretty. Roman would be lying if he'd say that Dean's spying helped mend their relationship.

He still feels weird when he thinks about Dean reading his messages but after their argument he can understand the motive behind his behavior. He would probably freak out too if the roles were reversed and Seth would be writing Dean constantly. Which is why he gave his brother the permission to read Seth's texts as long as he stays away from everything else. It's the first rule they've established since the three of them became brothers.

'Asking about my shoulder. Why is he not talking to me? Haven't heard from him in forever. Kinda makes me miss that ninja goob,' Dean mumbles, obviously pouting, and crashes into the bathroom. Even though Dean obviously knows no boundaries it's good to see that their little brawl hasn't changed too much. They're both trying really hard and not at all at the same time. (Sometimes Seth is right, going with the flow helps a lot if you don't want to complicate things.)

'Dean, what the– Don't come in,' Roman sputters, trying to reach for a towel to cover himself but Dean doesn't even look at him; just opens the cabinet and rummages through it, all the while muttering to himself how stupid Seth is for avoiding him like that and how he has seen Roman's package so often that he could describe it very detailed in his sleep.

Thanks for the mental imagine he'll never get rid of again.

'Dude, privacy,' he reminds Dean while giving him a gentle clap on the back of his head and Dean makes a dismissive noise while he staggers out of the room again, holding up a tube and his phone like a trophy.

'Should I answer him?' Dean wants to know, voice carefully guarded but Roman knows that everything in Dean craves for finally talking to the kid again. 'Seriously, why is he avoiding me _now_?'

'Miss getting wooed?' He doesn't point out that the last time these two talked Seth got punched pretty hard three times – just to get another hit from Roman. Of course is he reluctant to throw himself at Dean full force right now.

No, Seth has a different strategy at the moment and that includes Roman (against his will, he might add). He's sending him confidential information from the Authority to show his eagerness to help them in his own way – and Roman appreciates that, he really does, but there's still a lot of ill-will simmering inside of him.

What bothers him the most is that Seth obviously uses Roman to soften up Dean and that... just no. He didn't even get a stupid _I'm sorry for hurting you_ ; nothing. Seth ignores that kind of perfectly, so Roman does his best to never answer, and never say thank you even though it goes against everything his parents have taught him.

Anger still flares up whenever he thinks about Sunday night (before he caught Dean in the act), when Seth approached him at his car while Dean was still in the building, searching for his bag (which Seth had stolen to have some time alone with Roman like some kind of high school bully).

_'Have you seen my stuff?' Dean turns around looking like a lost puppy and Roman lets his gaze wander around, only now realizing that Dean's bag is gone. 'No,' he answers and ties his shoes, already having a suspicion who might have taken his stuff. And if that turns out to be true, he can expect to meet a certain someone as soon as Dean is running around the arena aimlessly, trying to get back his clothes, wallet and mobile._

_Somebody should punch that kid just for that. Roman is more than willing to volunteer for it._

_'I'll wait outside,' he announces but Dean is already wandering off, mumbling to himself. Roman grabs his own duffel and walks to the parking lot. He distantly hears Dean screaming at whoever to better help him find his stuff or he'll bust his head. Always so charming, isn't he?_

_Roman hasn't even time to breathe in the cool night air when Seth joins him, still wearing his new ring clothes (and boy, doesn't that look like a too tight villain version of the Shield gear?) with only a hoodie to cover up his bare chest. Wait a second, isn't that one of Dean's? How– why is he even wondering how the other got hold of that? Seth really is a ninja, striking (or stealing) when you least expect him to._

_'Did you get my text?' Of course he did. Unfortunately, he did. Roman would like to know why Seth thinks it's appropriate to give him information concerning the Authority and how he thinks that any of that will help._

_Okay, he has to give Seth some credit for being so bold and fearless to act as a spy and telling him what Triple H has in store for them. He even is kind of thankful for Seth letting them know that there will be a Battle Royal for the last vacant spot and how he can get in but Roman is still too disappointed in Seth to admit any of that out loud._

_'About tomorrow and what you should do,' Seth presses on because Roman won't answer, won't even look at him; he just walks a bit faster to their car – and look at that, they accidentally seem to have parked it next to Seth's earlier. But the younger is not giving up that easily, just jogs next to him and keeps on talking._

_'Rome, you need to get in that match.' Okay, he's had enough. Ignoring the kid doesn't work, so he slams his fist on the roof of the car and turns around angrily, nostrils flaring, mouth pressed tight together. 'What. Do. You. Want?' he grits out and Seth stops moving altogether, swaying between being shocked and relieved. And because he's always trying to see the positive side, he decides to be happy that Roman broke his silence._

_'I want to help, Rome. Listen, I don't have much time. Here, take this,' he whispers now, looking around to make sure they're still alone. It's only now that Roman realizes what a risk Seth is taking. It makes him proud and pisses him off at the same time. He doesn't need Seth's help, doesn't want it. Yet he takes the tiny bottle Seth holds out to him._

_'What's that?' he asks suspiciously and Seth laughs nervously. 'Trust me, you don't want to know. Just put that in the coffee Vickie gets for Hunter and Steph.' Seriously? Is that guy even for real? 'You want me to drug them?' he hisses and hides the damn bottle in his jeans._

_Seth nods eagerly, as if it's the easiest thing in the world. How did he even end up with those two? One brother would have been the world's biggest super-villain and the other the world's most unpredictable chaos. How come he never realized how dangerous Seth can actually be? He really needs to thank the Lord that Seth is still playing for their team or else they would probably be dead by now; at the bottom of some lake, dragged down by ill-fitting cement shoes._

_'With them out of the picture, you can easily charm your way into the match and win it.' Yeah, easy as pie. Because defeating the whole locker room is like stealing a lollipop from a little kid. 'Why do you care?' he asks the only question that's been bugging him since that initial text._

_Seth looks up surprised, as if it's totally obvious why he's still helping his former business partners. Roman wants to punch that look off his face but he doesn't want to ruin Seth's glasses. He's already broken a fare amount of them – just like Dean – and he knows that Dean really digs these black-rimmed ones._

_'I told you, I'm trying to fix it.' Oh, so this is all just about him and Dean. Thanks for nothing, then. It's not like he is Seth's big brother or anything like that. He doesn't deserve any of Seth's attention because he decided to stay out of the_ I put my junk in your face and enjoy it _business. Someone is in dire need of a Superman punch. Or a dozen of them._

 _'It?' he spits out, searching for his car keys to get away from this stupid idiot. 'I think you wanted to say, you're trying to fix you and Dean.' Seth grabs his wrist and yanks him around, pushes him against the door easily, so that Roman has no other choice than to look him in the eyes. 'I mean_ everything _.'_

_Fine. He's leaving it at that. For the moment. Even though he really wants to scream into Seth's face how he wouldn't have to try so hard fixing everything if he'd never walked out on them. Because he needed some space. As if they wouldn't have granted him that wish._

_'What am I supposed to tell Dean?' Seth lets go of him, a confused expression settling on his features. 'About what?' About Seth wanting Roman to drug their bosses. About Seth constantly texting him instead of Dean. About working together with this turncoat. Why does Seth expect Roman to break the news to their brother? It puts him into a position he doesn't want to be in._

_Lying to Dean, hiding things from him – it has been driving him crazy for the past six days. It's taking its toll on him and it has to stop. Now._

_'All your texts,' seems like a good enough start and Seth shoots him a bewildered glance that makes his stomach drop. Seth had assumed Roman had told Dean everything already. 'The truth?' he answers a bit hesitantly._

_'He's really offended that you only talk to me.' Seth sighs and rubs over his beard, all energy leaving his body. He suddenly seems ten years younger and so desperate that he even manages to melt Roman's heart for a moment. 'I don't know what to say to him.'_

_Well, it's definitely not helping that he ignores Dean as much as Roman is ignoring him. There's so much more at stake between these two and Roman doesn't want to be caught in the middle. 'You write me complete nonsense most of the time,' he shouts upset, not caring about anything anymore. Seth steps closer, a haunted look in his eyes, and lays his finger on Roman's lips. 'Shh,' he urges him, begs him even but Roman is so done with everything._

_'You never respond anyway,' Seth accuses him when Roman pushes the other off himself. 'I don't wanna talk to you,' he roars back, enjoying the panic Seth has to endure now way too much. 'Rome, keep it down!' Oh no, not a chance in hell. 'I don't care.' He has the right to be angry, the right to shout as much as he wants to, and he damn well has any right in the world to be saddened by Seth's past and recent actions. He wants to let it all out too. Why does he have to be the reasonable, responsible one all the time. Seth betrayed him too._

_'I'm trying to help,' Seth grits out, voice rising now. Roman is pretty sure that he's even flexing his muscles under Dean's hoodie but he practically drowns in it, so there's nothing that could impress him. 'Good for you,' he yells, pushing Seth away once again. That kid is definitely invading his personal space too much._

_Seth comes a step closer (that's a risk Roman wouldn't take if he were him, because there's a lot of rage that just waits for one wrong word from Seth and he'll be on the receiving end of a whole series of punches) when Dean stumbles out of the arena empty-handed, not even bothering to look up while pouting, 'Ro, I can't find my stuff any–'_

_Dean stops himself when he's standing a few feet away from them, eyebrows shooting up at the sight that greets him. Seth with his hands in the air, Roman pressed up against the car, both obviously infuriated. It probably gives Dean the completely wrong impression._

_'What's going on?' he asks warily and Roman uses the moment of silence to push himself off the car. 'Nothing,' he answers, voice distanced and cold and it makes him cringe on the inside that he treats his own brother like this. 'He just wanted to leave anyway.'_

_Seth nods and goes to his car, not even bothering to look at least one last time at Dean (who could really use any kind of sign that doesn't say_ Yes, I kissed you but guess what? I changed my mind. Again, ha ha _). Roman's insides hurt painfully when he catches Dean looking after Seth with a mixture of longing, confusion and desperation in his eyes. It doesn't fit him and Roman wants to hold Dean close until it's gone for good._

_But then Dean's expression changes and Roman wants to laugh when Dean turns to him. 'Hey, is that my–' Seth's head shoots up the moment he realizes that Dean recognized his own hoodie and interrupts him, still avoiding his gaze. 'I'll be in touch,' he lets Roman know (it sounds more like a threat to him) and drives away as fast as he can. 'I'll be in touch?' Dean repeats slowly, not able to put two and two together._

_'What was that all about?' he finally asks and Roman's fingers brush over the little bottle in his pocket, its weight suddenly too much to bear. 'Nothing,' he deflects automatically, not sure when and how he will be able to tell Dean everything. Hell, he doesn't even know why he's still hiding it from his brother._

_Dean just looks at him for a long time, trying to figure out what's going on and Roman can feel the waves of disappointment hitting him with full force. Finally, Dean murmurs a thin_ okay _before he gets in the car. Roman just stands there and breathes. This is all too complicated to ever be okay again. Seth has a lot of fixing to do._

_'Hey, you found my bag,' Dean pipes up and Roman bends down to look into the car. 'I did what?' Dean points at the backseat, his duffel really lying there. 'Well, obviously I did,' Roman corrects himself, not even wondering anymore that Seth broke into their car to place it there. This family is the bane of his existence._

'Don't you dare write anything back,' he finally commands and Dean sticks his head into the bathroom just to roll his eyes at him. 'You have to answer him eventually. He won't stop until you do.'

He knows. He fucking knows how stupidly stubborn Seth is, but he refuses to show the kid any kind of affection as long as he hasn't even gotten a simple apology. Not that he would accept it right away, but it'd be a start. Something he could finally work with.

'If it's nothing serious, I don't care,' Roman says walking into the room to grab his sweatpants and tank top. Dean watches his cell on the bed for a while before he sinks back against the couch just to jump up wincing and holding his left shoulder.

'Told you it wouldn't help,' he reprimands Dean once again. He has already told his brother an hour ago that his very special kind of Dean Ambrose logic (running against the wall repeatedly to drown out the pain in his arm by adding more of it – like seriously, who does that? There's a higher chance that Dean ends up dislocating his shoulder) is totally useless.

But Roman will probably die before the day comes that Dean listens to anyone, so he doesn't try to care too much.

Which isn't working very well. Watching Dean flinging himself against the unforgiving surface is doing things to him too. Like making him nervous and sad at the same time. He knows what Dean is waiting for – most likely unconsciously because it has been like this for the past 18 months – but he's reluctant to make a move.

It's not his privilege and yet he is the only one who can give it to Dean at the moment. Seth has already urged him to do it, begged him to take care of Dean as long as he's out of the picture but Roman isn't sure if he should interfere in something that has nothing to do with him.

He wants to be there for his little brother, but doing something only Seth used to do feels strange and like he's running around on territory he shouldn't be sticking even a single toe in.

Roman sits on the bed and watches Dean rubbing at the sore shoulder, eyeing the wall suspiciously. It's in that moment that his body takes over and his mouth says the words without his doing. Part of him obviously has seen enough of Dean destroying himself. 'Come here.'

Dean shoots him a quizzical glance, not sure if he's really heard the plea. Roman even managed the same intonation Seth had always used. Fond but exasperated. 'You don't have to,' Dean tries to wave off Roman's offer, but he just pats on the free space next to him on the bed. 'Get your ass over here before I rip off that arm of yours myself.'

Dean laughs a bit unsure and strips off his sneakers and jeans. 'You really don't have to.' It's Roman's time to roll his eyes while he forces Dean down by his good shoulder. 'Shut up and try to relax. And if I hear one moan from you, I'm gonna stab you in the face.'

This time Dean laughs loudly and jabs a finger in his ribs. 'Don't worry, big man, you don't turn me on.' He smacks Dean good-naturedly over the head again. 'Rude.'

As soon as Dean is lying in front of him, flat on his belly, eyes closed and ready for some action, Roman has a minor breakdown. Seth has always climbed on top of Dean to sit down on his hips or legs but Roman doesn't think it'd be appropriate for him to mirror that too.

So he scoots as close as he can to have a good access to Dean's left shoulder, puts some of the oil from the tube on his hands and starts massaging it carefully. Dean doesn't complain (or moan – he's heard enough of that for a whole lifetime) but Roman can feel him going completely limp after a while.

He doesn't even try to hide his satisfied and proud grin. They're making progress, while they also tread a lot of water at the same time whenever Seth is involved. Dean sighs quietly, murmuring, 'I can practically _feel_ that smug smile of yours.' Neither of them cares about it though. In fact, Roman can see Dean's lips quirking up too.

'Don't get used to this,' he jokingly warns and puts some more oil on Dean's shoulder. There's a muffled huff that gets interrupted by his ringing cell. Another message; he'd bet all his money on it being from Seth. That kid doesn't know when to shut up. Never has.

'That Seth?' Dean asks casually as Roman uses his right hand to tap on his phone while his left keeps on kneading Dean's skin. 'Who else would it be?' he answers back, seeing Seth's name pop up on the display.

_Did you know that Dean has panic attacks?_

'I don't know, Jimmy and Jey promised to teach me the Siva Tau,' Dean's happy voice cuts through the haze of his mind and for a moment he thinks he's hallucinating Seth's question. Panic attacks. Dean Ambrose. Maybe it's the late hour but Roman is not able to make a connection between these two things.

He looks down at Dean confused and for some reason horribly hurt, but decides to keep up a carefree attitude until he can think straight again. 'Why would they text me then? Wait, what? _I_ could teach you,' he rambles and Dean cracks his left eye open to look up at him accusingly.

'No, you would just make fun of me the whole time.' True. But it's just too funny to watch and listen to Dean trying to imitate the movements while pronouncing the words. How on earth can Dean be such a cute dork and hide something so vital as panic attacks from him? And he just had felt like they'd gotten back on the right track.

Every day something new got in their way and Roman is slowly reaching the end of his patience. He just wants to live through one day without having to fear for something bad to happen. He hates that Seth's question makes him want to answer that idiot but he also feels horribly betrayed by Dean right now. Actually, he feels like he finally has the confirmation that Dean chose Seth over him.

'Why do you wanna learn it in the first place?' His own voice sounds broken and foreign to him and he is barely able to cringe while he types a reply with one hand. He's getting really angry right now. At both Seth and Dean. Like hot white, burning, uncontrollable, unstoppable fury. He can't understand why Dean would tell Seth but not him. Especially after all the shit that has happened. After their talk from yesterday.

_It happens like everything else. Completely by accident. He should have seen it coming though. He really should have. But then again, he'd also kinda hoped Dean wouldn't go that far. But in the end, it's like believing in Santa; as long as no one tells you the truth, it's the best thing ever._

_'What the hell are you doing?' He doesn't really need to ask. Roman can perfectly see what Dean is doing. His mobile phone resting in Dean's hands, the light on the display illuminating Dean's messed up chin. Instead of trying to apologize, Dean chooses to attack._

_'I could ask you the same!_ You better use the whole bottle. And just FYI, it's gonna get messy. _What is that even supposed to mean? You two are constantly talking behind my back!' Dean flips out, finally letting out all his pent-up mistrust and jealousy and Roman wants to throttle Seth for writing something like that when Dean has caught them in the middle of a heated argument mere two hours ago._

_'You read my messages?' Roman asks slowly but with a threatening undertone and Dean thankfully has the decency to look ashamed for a good second or two. 'I didn't want to,' he tries to explain but Roman has had enough of that. Dean violating his privacy like this is new and not something he wants to get used to. It makes him sad that Dean obviously doesn't trust him one bit._

_'Oh, I'm sure you didn't,' he retorts and smacks Dean's fingers, so that he'll let go of Roman's phone. For a moment he thinks Dean will punch him now, he can definitely see the hunger for it in the younger's burning eyes but then Dean just throws his hands in the air before tugging at his unruly hair._

_(There's a part of him that wants to warn Dean to not treat his hair like that if he wants to keep the meager rest of it. It's a really tiny part.)_

_'Okay, I did,' Dean admits, voice and temper rising with each word. 'But only because he is writing you all the fucking time.' Roman binds his own hair into a bun, because he can already see where this conversation is going. And maybe they need to settle it like this._

_'Not my fault,' he argues and grabs Dean by the shoulders (ignoring the pained hiss from Dean) and pushes him away from his phone. So hard, that Dean stumbles over the corner of the bed and lands flat on his ass. 'Why are you so pissed?' he complains and hauls himself up again, unwilling to stay down for long._

_'You sniff around in my stuff and I'm not entitled to get angry?' His fingers itch to get some action but Roman is not yet riled up enough to start a brawl. Strangely, it's Dean (the guy who always shoots before he asks any questions) who tries to calm him down; doing exactly what Seth did countless times._

_'Sure you are. I didn't mean–' He doesn't care. The fact that, in the end, it's about Seth (again) makes him see red. It's not his fault that neither of them can get their shit together without him holding their hands. He doesn't want Seth's attention or the constant texting. In fact, he doesn't give a shit if it's not about work._

_'Hands off my stuff,' he warns with a low growl and Dean nods while he tries to retreat back in a completely nonthreatening way. 'Ro,' he tries to reason with him, but Roman is already too far gone; finally turning into that monster, like Seth had predicted. With the tiny difference that it's not hate driving him on but exasperation and some form of mortification. He's been the rational one for long enough._

_Without any warning his fist lands in Dean's stomach, making the other double over. He doesn't fall down, doesn't even gasp or show Roman that he's hurt. He just gets up again and smiles menacingly. 'That's the way you want to do it? Fine.' Roman might have anticipated the blow, but he still is surprised by Dean's speed. The force of the punch makes him stumble backwards until he hits the wall._

_Dean doesn't get any closer but there's a special kind of heat bubbling up in their room and Roman knows that this is far from over. His brother catches him unguarded a second time (he's just too damn fast, even for a man this tall), throwing him down to the floor and just hitting him repeatedly in the belly like a wild animal trying to defend itself even though it doesn't even want to fight._

_Roman lets him go on for a while until a particularly hard thrust knocks the wind out of him. He throws Dean off him and crawls on top of his brother, mirroring their former position and starts to hit Dean in the exact same spots. Roman's punches are more deliberate, slower and hurt probably more than he intends them to._

_Dean looks him in the eyes the whole time, takes every punch with something akin to pride and after a while it's enough to make him stop. They're both panting hard and Roman can already see some bruises forming on Dean's stomach where the beater doesn't cover up the skin. He instantly regrets losing his shit like this. 'I'm sorry,' Dean squeezes out and runs his right hand over his stomach. 'What are your hands even made of? Bricks?'_

_'You hit like a girl,' Roman counters, both smiling widely. Dean grunts and closes his eyes, hands still shielding his bruised flesh and Roman rips the wife-beater apart to get a better look at what he's done. 'Stop whining, it'll heal. And you totally deserved that.' He gets a weak_ yeah _before he climbs off Dean and leans his back against the bed._

 _Dean stays where he is but opens his eyes again to look at him, an apologetic smile grazing his lips. 'I shouldn't have done that. I just got really jealous.' Roman nods, astonished that Dean Ambrose could say_ I'm sorry _before Seth Rollins did. Dean isn't really the type to go around and let people know he's made a mistake. Which makes this apology so special._

_'I should have told you,' Roman admits and helps Dean up, so they can sit next to each other. 'He's a real pain in the ass, isn't he?' Roman laughs, patting Dean on the head. There's no need to answer that question. 'So,' Dean says conversationally but Roman can feel him getting agitated again. 'How long has this been going on between you two?'_

_There's no point in lying anymore which is really totally relieving. He hated keeping secrets from Dean. It's one thing if it's too personal to talk about; but if he's forced to keep quiet (or if he forces himself like the dumb fool he sometimes is) it's slowly breaking him apart._

_'Since your little kiss-and-punch.' Dean nods, seemingly lost in thoughts. It's peaceful just sitting on the floor with his brother so close to him, the little brawl already forgotten. Sometimes you just need to get stuff like this out of your system. 'When were you gonna tell me?' Dean asks quietly, almost in a whisper as if he doesn't want to know the answer._

_'Honestly, I don't know. I really don't like talking about him at the moment.' Dean smiles tiredly and rubs at his neck. 'I just thought we wouldn't keep secrets anymore.' It's not an accusation, not entirely, but it's close enough. And Roman deserves that. They both have acted like idiots, let the whole situation escalate. 'I'm sorry.'_

_Dean gently pats him on the leg and pushes himself up. 'Yeah, me too,' he mutters, before he adds, 'We need to stick together, Ro. You're all I have left.' Roman wants to say the same, until he realizes that it's not true._

_He and Seth have been Dean's only family and even though Roman tries his best to drag him along every time he, Jimmy and Jey or other parts of his family go out, it just doesn't work out. It's not the same. Not for Dean. Roman really is all he has. And he should finally be his big brother again._

_'But seriously, what did he mean with_ use the whole bottle _and_ it gets messy _? And before you say anything; do I even want to know?' Roman chuckles lightly and gets up too to show Dean the little bottle he'll use tomorrow during Raw. 'What's that?' He watches the colorless liquid and shrugs._

_'Seth said it's better not to know. But this is my ticket for the Battle Royal tomorrow.' Dean raises one eyebrow and Roman realizes he hasn't even told him about that. 'You want the last spot for the Money in the Bank championship match even though we are banned?' 'Yeah,' he says, automatically feeling bad until–_

_'Wait. How do you know about that?' Dean grins and points at Roman's phone resting on the bed. 'I might have read something about that somewhere.' 'You cheater,' he laughs and puts the bottle away again. 'So, drugging the Authority? That's Seth's tactic?' Roman nods, unsure if he should admit that he has already decided to do it._

_Winning that spot would be a huge thing; not only for their plan to take out Triple H, but also for Roman's career. He doesn't feel good about leaving Dean behind to deal with Seth, but it may be a necessary evil._

_When Dean laughs, all of his worries vanish into thin air. 'Nice touch. We're finally playing dirty. Smart kid.' Roman tries to find any hints of a lie in Dean's eyes – any traces of ugly jealousy that Roman gets to go after the biggest title out there – but he can't find anything. Dean seems genuinely happy for him. 'That he is,' he adds in a low voice. He just really hopes Seth isn't letting them walk into a trap._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Roman takes care of Dean's injured shoulder while Seth thinks it's a great idea to spam him with text messages. (It's not.)
> 
> _Did you know that Dean has panic attacks?_

_you kidding_

Maybe Seth is just lying again. After all, it _is_ a specialty of his. Roman is tempted to throw himself at the bruised shoulder in front of him because the thought of yet another sellout fogs up his mind and makes him want to act irrational, to confront Dean about his dishonesty.

Dean rambles a bit about culture and history before he finally admits grumpily, 'It's catchy, okay?' And that's the moment Roman understands why Dean hasn't told him. It's not because he doesn't trust him (or maybe that does have to do with it, because these days they both find it a bit hard to trust anyone).

No, Dean doesn't want even a single person to know about this. Just like he always brushes over his past very hurriedly to evade any further questions. But Roman has picked up enough on last Monday night, has been granted a glimpse into Dean's mind by accident. His brother has never asked how much of their heart-to-heart Roman has overheard, as if doing so would completely break their already cracked brotherhood.

_Why would I joke about something like this?_

Dean wants nothing to do with that part of himself – he'd have told him about it by now if he wanted to –, so Roman shouldn't ask for it either. Maybe he fears it'd change too much too fast. Well, Seth has taken that decision out of his hands now, so Roman has to be on his guard to never spill anything as long as Dean isn't willing to share.

He can't force Dean to open up. All he can do is wait and hope that Dean will never forget that he can come to him whenever he needs to. So far, Dean has never accepted the offer but Roman knows he's happy it's out there in case he should change his mind one day. (Seth on the other hand always came to him, shared everything with him, which is why Roman had deluded himself into thinking he knew his littlest brother by heart.)

_oh, i don't know. how can you do anything you do_

All that rational thinking doesn't help. For some reason he still feels left out and hurt. There is already so much Seth and Dean share that he will never have with any of them. He really can't watch the two of them grow even tighter together while he just stand awkwardly at their side until they leave him behind to move on without him.

_Not the time, Rome._

'Okay, but shouldn't they be texting you rather than me then?' he manages to follow the original conversation even though he is totally focused on waiting for Seth's reply as soon as he's typed a hasty _no, i didn't. how come you know_. Because God damn, he wants to know why he's the only one being left in the dark.

It's not like he would go into the ring, grab a mic and tell the whole world how fragile Dean Ambrose's mental state is. (Besides, they already say Dean should be locked away in a rubber cell, wearing a straightjacket and Roman doesn't want to have anything to do with that.)

His hand is still working on Dean's slick skin while the world keeps on moving without Roman being able to keep up. What were he and Dean talking about again? Oh right, Jimmy and Jey. He needs to be more careful before he mixes up both conversations. 'Stop confusing me with your logic, my brain is already asleep. So Seth?'

_He had one in front of me last week. Scary shit. Thought he'd die on me._

'Yup,' he breathes relieved, all anger and feelings of treachery gone. It's hard not to laugh; he'd have no clue how to explain all of this to Dean. So, apparently Dean didn't plan on telling Seth either. There was just no way to avoid it and Seth happened to be in the right place at the right time.

He shouldn't jump to conclusions that easily. The bond between Dean and Seth may be special but he and Dean share something that Seth doesn't have anymore. And this is not a contest about who's getting Dean. Roman shouldn't let his emotions get the better of him. He's supposed to be the older brother; the wise and calm, protective one.

'What's he saying? Bad news?' Dean interrupts his thoughts and looks up at him expectantly, the barest hints of confusion flickering in his blue eyes. Roman has stopped massaging him somewhere along the way to stare at his phone while his left hand had gripped the sheets tightly.

He sincerely hopes Dean hasn't seen the disappointment that has undoubtedly ghosted over his face at the thought of Dean keeping secrets from him.

(It's weird how different Seth's treason feels to the one he thought he had suffered at Dean's hands. With Seth it isn't this intense, there's just a lot of sadness and incomprehension, because Seth is his tiny little brother and just doesn't know better. But with Dean it's so personal because they both are cut from the same cloth and they're all they have left.

This is way too complicated to deal with at three twenty-four in the morning.)

'Just telling me about some plans of the Authority,' he lies and rolls his eyes for good measure, as if Seth is annoying him. Which is kind of the truth. It really pisses him off that Seth won't share all of this with Dean. That kid is a genius and comes up with the best plans on earth and Dean is always willing to execute them – as crazy and dangerous as they might be.

So why is he coming to Roman, who still ignores him whenever they meet? Why is he trying to use him as a fucking Cupid while spilling secrets he shouldn't even know of? (Seriously, how the hell did Seth manage to weasel his way this deep into the Authority even though he uses to appear everywhere either alone or with his new buddy Kane? Like how fucking good and cunning is Seth to accomplish that in no time?

If he wouldn't be so angry and disgruntled by Seth's backstabbing, he'd be proud as hell.)

'So we can prepare ourselves better for the war.' Dean nods, his eyes still radiating suspicion but then he smiles at him – not happy or understanding, but a bit sadly ( _he fucking knows I'm not telling the truth_ , Roman thinks petrified) before he forces it into a carefree one. 'Like to share the madness?' he offers him an easy way out – at least for tonight – and Roman could kiss him for the rest of his life.

'I fucking love you, you know that, right?' Roman says and he really means it. Dean could have called him out on his bullshit, could have gone down the crazy lane and attack him, leave him like Seth did because there is so much mistrust and secrecy between the two of them; but he always decides to stay at his side (even though Seth would be the logical choice), to stay loyal to him. Not because Dean is a creature of habit – as weird as they may be – but because he _wants_ to be with Roman.

He really has no idea how the smallest things can make his resolve waver, can shake his trust and turn him into a blind, raging monster. He doesn't want to be like this.

Dean chuckles and averts his gaze, practically throwing his face into the pillow again. 'Shut up,' he murmurs into the pristine white cushion, all flustered and suddenly unable to keep still. Roman loves how restless Dean gets whenever he expresses his love.

He's never heard Dean say it back and Roman doesn't expect him to. Even before he knew about Dean's past it was clear that he isn't the type to wear his heart on his sleeve if it's about his personal life.

This reaction alone tells Roman all he needs to know. Dean might not be able to say it, but he shows Roman (and Seth) with his actions – a little kiss to the head, a light pat on the hair, an unguarded smile (these are Roman's favorites) – what's going on in his head.

It's not what Roman is used to from his really expressive family, but it's still refreshing to have someone like Dean around.

_why are you talking to me about that_

He sets the phone aside as soon as he's finished the text and concentrates on Dean's shoulder again while he thinks hard about what to tell him now. He knows that Dean hasn't seen all the messages Seth has sent him, because Roman has deleted most of them instantly. Even before he found Dean snooping around.

So there is a lot Dean doesn't know yet. It probably is time to finally share these things anyway. Dean might be the type who can live without a game plan, just crossing his bridges whenever he gets there, but Seth has planned everything ahead and Roman should accept the fact that it's a good strategy, even if it means that he has to let go of Dean for a while. At least during work.

He hasn't even had to live without Dean for a long time yet but he can already understand the depressing loneliness Seth has to endure each day since his departure. (And even after three weeks he and Dean haven't gotten a good excuse. They still pretty much know next to nothing. It's really frustrating.)

Seth replies not a minute later ( _I can't stop thinking about it._ ) and Dean's body stiffens for a second before he lets go of all his inner tension. There is no use in wanting to escape Seth Rollins – and they have tried everything –, so it's better to just accept that their little brother won't let go until he's satisfied with the end result.

It should be annoying (and it is to a certain degree) but Roman is also kinda glad that Seth doesn't give up that easily. He's never backed down from a challenge and getting his brothers back is by far the biggest and hardest task he has yet to cope with. Roman enjoys to see him struggle and fall down on his way, revels in every backlash the other has to suffer. He knows for a fact that Dean does too.

_you're texting me cause you're lonely_

He doesn't even get a chance to put the phone down this time. Seth answers at the speed of light, telling him that _yeah_ , he is. Roman wishes he couldn't care less. But the good thing about texts is that he can lie all he wants to. And Seth will never know how much of it is real.

_stop_

'So?' Dean wants to know after the silence has stretched on for too long. 'Sorry,' Roman mumbles and starts massaging Dean once again. He's really doing a piss poor job. Seth would kick his ass if he could see how he singly-handedly destroys his legacy as the best masseur in (Dean's) history. And Roman would kick his ass just because he would be here.

'There's gonna be a second ladder match at Money in the Bank and guess who the first entrant is.' Dean laughs sarcastically, but doesn't even care to turn his head around so Roman can hear him speak properly. He's yawning into the pillow before he asks a question first. 'For the contract?' They probably both have the same thought spinning around in their head: Dean needs a way into this match, no matter what.

'Yeah,' he adds and watches how Dean cracks a sadistic smile. They definitely are thinking the same thing. 'I'm gonna make a bold prediction here,' Dean mutters, voice dripping with sarcasm and a tiny bit of exhaustion. 'Our one and only Seth Rollins.'

'You're not mad?' He really is slightly surprised that Dean doesn't flip his shit because Seth sneaked his way into a very important (and probably career-changing) match, evading the confrontation everyone – especially Dean – is waiting for once again. Dean sighs and shakes his head minutely. 'Way too tired for that. Ask me again in the morning.'

Oh no, he won't. He's so proud that they haven't wrecked any hotel rooms in the past week (even though they have been fighting) and he won't be the one ruining their small lucky streak.

'They're gonna announce the other participants on Raw next week. So, technically Seth doesn't get the same treatment as Orton.' He probably constantly stands his ground and defies Triple H as much as he can without raising any suspicion. So that Hunter thinks he's on his team but kind of a free, uncontrollable spirit. Dean puffs his cheeks and hums, 'Remember me to get him a medal for that.'

A quick glance at the clock tells him it's getting really late but Dean looks so at ease. Roman hasn't seen him like this for a long, long while now and he's pretty thrilled by the fact that he managed to put that smile on his brother's face all by himself.

_How's Dean?_

As if he somehow could sense whenever they stopped talking or thinking about him. It wouldn't surprise Roman if Seth is lurking around in front of their hotel, supervising their every step. Thank God they're staying on the third floor.

 _Sore_ , he types back with slick fingers, already annoyed by the messy state of his display. He will probably never get rid of all the oil smeared across it. When the phone chirps up another time, Dean doesn't even react and Roman pinches him slightly to make sure he's not fallen asleep. There is no way he'll let Dean stain the sheets when he has to shower every god damn time because Dean bitches about it until he stomps off to get cleaned up.

_Triple H has planned a wicked week for Dean. Plans to unleash Kane on him. Ordered me to do commentary for their match on SD. Warn him, okay?_

Who does that little shit think he is? As if Roman will let Dean run into his demise. Even though he's sure Dean doesn't want this kind of help. He likes to fight his battles on his own because that makes the victory even sweeter. (Though playing a little dirty here and here can't hurt.)

_he'll be fine_

And Roman really does believe that. Kane might be bigger and stronger than Dean but what his brother lacks in those compartments he makes up with aggression and unpredictability. The only problem might be Seth at ringside. It'll drive Dean crazy and he'll get sloppy, no matter how many times Roman will remind him of staying level-headed.

He'll definitely watch that match backstage but he won't interfere; no matter what happens. Not only because Seth's plan doesn't involve it but also because Roman is sure that Kane won't harm Dean as long as Seth is there. His little brother will make sure that he is the only one attacking Dean once the match is over – claiming (not so subtly) stake at him and riling Dean up even more.

It's all part of the secret design while the whole world and especially Big Daddy Hunter are forced to believe Seth is on their side, destroying Dean with mind games and brutal attacks. And Roman will be in the back, watching his two brothers fight each other, listen to Seth talking some bullshit about Dean while he can see the lies and worry written all over Seth's face because he now knows where to look for them.

Seth is playing a dangerous game to keep up his charade. One day he won't be able to disguise his emotions and the whole world will see it. And the worst part? Roman can't help him. Even if he wanted to.

No one can come to Seth's aid anymore. He's standing with his back against the wall and even though he's doing one hell of a job to play his role as a traitor, he'll mess up at some point. That's the thing with feelings like love and hate. They always get the better of you.

_Could you please stop being so cold?_

Yeah, sure he could. Seth could also just apologize or finally get in the ring with Dean to settle this once and for all. So far, Roman hasn't seen him doing any of that, so no. It's also kind of his payback and he enjoys it way too much. Dean is totally rubbing off on him.

_can you stop being a dick_

Dean stirs under him the moment Roman accidentally brushes over the scar on his back. That's Seth's territory right there but Dean is thankfully too far gone to get up and sleep on the couch. (His scars are a touchy subject even though Dean thinks they and their history are cool. It's just that he's probably still used to Seth trace them while Dean's half-asleep and they're both cuddled up to Roman.)

'What're we gonna do?' Dean mumbles drowsy, his eyes too heavy to open them completely. The sight is really cute and helps Roman to prepare himself for what follows now. It's actually quite good that Dean isn't completely lucid right now, so he can sleep a night over Seth's plan.

'He says that we should continue what we unintentionally started tonight on Raw,' Roman whispers a bit hesitantly, going through the text in his mind again to see if there's any flaw, but in the end he has to admit that Seth has some good arguments. Why must that kid always make so much sense?

'Wha's that? Druggin' people?' Dean asks and closes his eyes again, head turned to the left so Roman can understand him better. 'You know, you in street clothes, us not working together.' He speaks softly to not upset Dean or rouse him from his almost slumber. It works. Kind of.

'Not leavin' you,' Dean answers stubbornly, eyes snapping open but Roman can see that they're already glazed over. He should talk with Dean in this state more often. His brother is way more responsive and forthcoming like this. That he's constantly easing the pain in Dean's shoulder is probably an important factor too.

(Usually, Dean would have protested loudly by now. Would have started a tantrum and insulted Roman and Seth for thinking he would be so stupid and leave his last remaining brother behind. There would have been broken furniture and an exasperated Roman trying to come up with a decent apology for the owner.

But there is no fight left in Dean; at least he's physically not able to start one.)

'Just listen, okay? We only have to appear as if we're going our separate ways. So that Hunter thinks The Shield is completely broken; that he has won. Or that Seth has won. Whatever.'

Dean sighs, not convinced in the slightest, so Roman pushes on. 'Look, it makes sense. Seth thinks it's better if I concentrate on pissing off the Authority, going after the title and Randy while you hop on the crazy train, trying to destroy Seth. And only Seth.'

'Not gonna leave you,' Dean insists and juts his chin forward to make a point of his own. Roman is kinda flattered by his persistence to never let go of him but this isn't about them breaking up their family. Roman won't let Dean go anytime soon, won't even give him the chance to disappear out of his life again.

But Seth is right. If they want to get rid of their enemies they have to plot a bit too. Seth did the first step and betrayed them while the whole world watched and now he's helping Dean and Roman to play their parts. (Now that Seth has realized he can't go on without Dean, he's including them in his master plan, but Roman is too tired to be irritated by that.)

'You don't have to,' Roman soothes his brother's worries and rubs his shoulder gently in circles, planning on lulling Dean into sleep with the repetitive motion. 'But you have to admit that it's a good diversionary tactic.'

There's still a lot of defiance brooding inside of Dean and even though he hasn't opened his eyes for a while, his mouth still works perfectly fine. 'Doesn't make a lick of sense, Ro. We just stated, what, last week that we're still together, still strong and all that blah-blah.'

Great. Even a tired Dean has enough presence of mind to understand that. Roman hasn't even thought about it; still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he drugged someone, probably got Vicky fired _and_ planted the idea in her head that he might be interested in her – all thanks to Seth. There's only so much his brain can deal with at four am.

He decides to pretend he hasn't heard that. 'We won't split, Dee. We're still brothers, we keep traveling together, we're still friends. There will be no backstabbing with us; Seth has explicitly begged for us to part on good terms. We just fool the world into thinking we've split to have different agendas. Because our goals aren't the same at the moment, even you have to admit that.'

Dean stays silent but Roman can see his mouth turn downwards the moment he realizes that Roman is right. 'Seth also asked if you could keep your casual clothes as your new ring attire.' Dean scoffs, murmuring, 'He asks for a lot, don't ya think?'

Roman smiles and concentrates on a particular hard spot on Dean's shoulder. Now comes the tricky part. 'You should get a new entrance music too.' Dean grunts annoyed and turns his head around, so Roman can't read a damn thing in his face anymore. 'Seth's idea. Says that makes it more real.'

'Yeah, he should know,' Dean whispers, a bit offended, and Roman can feel his heart skip a beat while a wave a nausea hits him. No matter what Seth said, how much he promised him that it's not the end, it still feels like it. The end of an era, to be honest. Roman is not ready for that yet.

'I carry on everything of The Shield to go after the title. We're still going strong, it will live on. I promise.' Dean stays silent for a long time, fighting a battle in his mind all by himself and Roman isn't sure the outcome will be a positive one. Worst case scenario: Dean leaves and never comes back.

He tries to breathe through his nose but panic creeps its way into his mind, making it hard to swallow. He might look like a human version of Hulk, might be called the Powerhouse but at the end of the day, it's Seth (not Roman) who is the daredevil. Roman usually likes to know what awaits him at the other side before he gets there. It's why they completed each other so perfectly.

'Okay,' Dean eventually whispers, brokenhearted and gloomy and it has nothing to do with him being on the verge of falling asleep. Roman's body freezes for a split second and he digs his fingers painfully in Dean's shoulder. 'Jesus, Ro,' he hears the faint complain and lets go, way too dumbfounded to say he's sorry.

'You're okay with it?' He can't really believe it. Being the WWE World Heavyweight Champion is _everyone's_ ambition in this business; the ultimate goal and yet Dean is not even a bit irked by the fact that he is stuck with Seth who – as a part of the Authority – will end up with singles gold one day while Roman gets to fulfill his dream.

'Hell yeah. You deserve it.' Dean does too. Roman would even go so far as to say Seth does. Maybe not as a person, but as the skilled and amazing athlete he is. Everyone in that match has a right to climb that ladder and become the new champion.

(And even though Roman is going to make sure it won’t come to this, he still likes to imagine what would happen if Bray Wyatt wins the title. It's definitely something he'd fear and be excited about at the same time. He just really hopes that his cousins will be able to defend their titles against the rest of the Wyatt family. One title would be bad enough, but them having two? Hello, Judgment Day.)

'I'll find a way to sneak into the other ladder match and get the contract. And then you better watch out,' Dean jokes half-heartedly, and both of them are well aware that, if it'll come to this, neither of them will back down just because they're brothers. 'Anytime, kiddo,' he promises and keeps moving his hands a bit to the right to massage Dean's back.

While he eyes the two long scars on Dean he manages to fool himself into some kind of happy illusion. He convinces himself that Seth is sitting on the other side of the bed, watching Roman do his job, nodding with a satisfied smile to tell him he's doing it just perfectly fine.

There's a tiny moment when Roman wants to say something to a Seth that isn't there, but then he blinks and only sees the empty space next to Dean. It's all gone again. And there is no one who can predict if it'll ever be the same again. If they will be able to go back and start over as a family.

'You worried about Seth? I mean, he's never been in a ladder match before.' He's speaking in a hushed voice, not sure if Dean is still responsive and awake. There is still a lot he wants to talk about tonight. Maybe (no, most likely) because Dean is practically at his mercy right now and as calm as he can get.

'Nah, he's smart 'n nimble. He'll be fine. Long as I'm not in the match,' Dean chuckles and presses his face deeper into the pillows. Maybe Roman can text Seth and ask him if he can convince Triple H to put Dean into the match. The kid owes him a favor; actually a lot of them after everything he did. And if someone can do it, it's Seth.

Roman would love to see them fight against but with each other at the same time. Or no, he should be more precise. Dean would fight with all his power to get some revenge and mess up Seth's big night. And Seth would try very hard to make sure no one in that ring will hurt Dean, while he simultaneously has to appear as if he wants to bury Dean alive and climb that ladder to win.

He'd definitely be in the wrong match then. All the fun would go down in the other one.

'What are you gonna do if you don't get a spot?' As soon as the question leaves his mouth, he wants to roll his eyes at himself for being so foolish. As if Dean would ever take a no for an answer. 'You really need to ask?'

No, he doesn't. Dean will interfere in the match anyway, fucking up Seth's chances to retrieve the contract. No matter how many times Seth will protest and state that he's not really trying to drive Dean crazy, that it's all show, Dean still has only this one goal at the moment. And that's making Seth's life a living hell. Just because he can.

And because Seth made theirs one too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: There's Roman clinging to Dean, Seth clinging to Dean and Dean more than ready to finally fall asleep. (If Roman and Seth would just chill out and let him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, guys. There have been some private things happening yesterday and I needed to take care of that first. I hope this part answered some (maybe all) of the questions people had about Roman. Next up should finally be Seth again. I never let him get any 'mic time' or treat him very well XD See you guys around and lets keep our fingers crossed for MitB!

'So,' he starts after a while, a bit unsure if it's really the right time to touch on this subject, but this is bugging Roman constantly during his waking hours and even though he doesn't want to pester Dean with it, he needs some clarity too.

The Shield might have dissipated, giving birth to two strong fighters in the process but Dean and Roman are still family. They're still here, still dealing with the aftermath of Seth's departure, still trying to hold on to each other.

And even if Dean vows to always stay loyal to Roman, the danger of Seth breaking them apart won't disappear with time. It all stands and falls with Seth and what kind of decision Dean will make in the future.

Because this feud isn't over. The war is far from over and Seth will have to play his role as a traitor for a long, long time while he and Dean can do whatever they want; so to speak. Outside of the ring, whenever he can escape the clutches of the Authority, he will continue to hunt down Dean. Seth will do anything he can to convince their brother that it's safe and the right thing to love him.

That it'll set them free.

And that's exactly what Roman is so afraid of. He is supportive of everything Dean does. He'll be the first to congratulate those two for finally sorting their shit out and giving in to their feelings. He's watched them gravitate around each other for way too long. In the end, he wants them to be happy.

But on the other hand, he has the right to get kissed by the sun too.

Seth is his brother and he'd take a bullet for him. Well, maybe not right at this moment, but generally, he'd give his own life if it would help him find eternal bliss. All he expects is to get some respect in return. And if he decides to do a leap of faith, he wants to be sure that there's someone catching his fall.

But Seth has lied to them, left them behind and is now using him as a tool for his plans. As smart as his brother may be, this is not acceptable. He wants to be treated like an equal. Maybe he doesn't deserve it because this is not his relationship, but it _is_ his brotherhood.

If Dean takes off with Seth, it's Roman who has to pick up the shattered pieces of his life and everything they've left behind.

Up until Seth's betrayal he has always encouraged the younger to charm Dean, to take things a step further while not rushing them too much, because Dean always needs some time to get used to changes. But now he's reluctant to let him go.

These past few days have shown him that he is no more ready for the weight of Dean and Seth. And his biggest fear is that Dean will leave him as soon as he knows about this. That he may think Roman is a liar and stands in the way of his happiness.

The more he mulls over it, the more complicated it gets.

'Have you thought about your whole situation yet?' Finally the question is out there, hanging in the air like the sword of Damocles. His fingers shake a bit, so he gives his best to move them as much as he can, hopefully making it impossible for Dean to feel the trembling.

He hears a long yawn that makes him smile for a second and then Dean answers with a sleepy voice, 'Don't worry, big guy. You're not gonna get rid of me so soon.' As if he knows exactly what's going on inside of Roman's head.

Well, Dean is saying that now; Seth is out of the picture for a while, yet there will come a time when Dean can't wait to be close to him again. And then what?

'You gonna give him another chance?'

Dean grunts and tries to turns his head back to the other side, but even this little action seems to cost him too much energy, so he just breathes into the pillow for a while before answering slowly, almost hesitantly, 'Dunno. You'll be the firs' to know.'

'He hurt me too,' Roman adds after a while, a bit petulant, and that makes Dean whip his head around, so he can look at him with a gentle smile while he tries to pat his leg. 'Gonna make him pay for it.'

It's not a promise. It's more like a threat and Roman can feel his spirits lift at that because Dean always keeps his word. It doesn't matter that his brother is already halfway in la-la-land. This is something Dean is totally set on doing anyway.

He'll destroy Seth in the ring, no matter what. And it won't be just for himself. Dean is fighting for Roman too. He's known that for a long time now, but hearing the words coming out of Dean's mouth lets him forget for a while how disappointed he is of Seth and this whole situation.

This is the reason Roman wants to keep The Shield alive. Why he will carry it on until the day all three of them find their way back to each other again. Maybe not in the WWE, but as friends, brothers, a unit. There is so much left of them that's worth saving, worth fixing. One day, Seth will understand just like Dean already has.

'I know I said I'll support you on your journey,' Roman whispers, fingers ghosting over Dean's skin, barely touching it. He's not quite sure he wants Dean to hear this. 'I don't know if I can forgive him.'

Dean doesn't react for a couple of minutes, breath even and deep, and Roman stops his treatment, sad and relieved at the same time that Dean is out cold, when his voice breaks the silence. ''s okay. Imma wait till you're ready.'

Sweet, precious little Dean. Before Roman got to know him better, understood how he ticked, he thought this guy was a raging, arrogant lunatic, doomed to be a lone wolf forever because no one could ever like him. But then he got to work with him in FCW, watched him beating himself up backstage (literally and figuratively) every time Seth crossed his path.

And then he got to love him as his little brother, realizing how damn wrong he had been with his first impression. Yes, Dean could be an asshole, could say and do things that aren't okay, but behind the mask he's just a normal guy with some issues. Honestly, who isn't?

Dean is maybe the most caring person he has ever met. He won't show it, would rather die than admit the truth, but it's written all over his face that he cares for the ones he loves more than for himself. Dean has a big heart and it's in the right place. As long as you're not on his shit list, you have nothing to fear.

But this is a favor Roman can't ask of Dean. He can't hold him back just so he won't be stuck alone in the darkness. Or can he? Would that be too selfish? Does Seth even deserve Dean after everything he's done? Does Roman?

'Don't,' he pleads and brushes over Dean's unruly hair. 'Don't sacrifice your happiness for me.' Even though he wants nothing more than to wake up in the morning and the only thing that hurts is his body, he can't ask Dean to do this. He should be the one doing everything in his power to get those two goobers back together.

No matter what that means for himself.

'Shh,' Dean murmurs, still patting his leg, ''s okay. Know what 'm doin'.' Exactly. They both know. Roman has promised to stand behind Dean and Seth's quest to find eternal love and now he's not sure if he can fulfill it. Which is why he forces his friend into a position to ignore what Dean himself wants, just so that Roman gets what he needs.

This is not what a big brother should do. He's a really poor example of one these days. Having Dean as a part of his family is the best thing that has happened to him in years. It probably won't get any better than this.

'I don't deserve you,' he says softly, as if he's sharing a well-kept secret. Dean stops patting him and opens his eyes again. They're darker than usual, the pupils blown widely until they get used to the harsh light again. 'Seth doesn't deserve us,' he disagrees with a merciless smile.

They hold their gazes for a few heartbeats until tiredness takes over Dean's body again. 'Don' do that, Ro,' Dean begs and his fingers search blindly for Roman's hand. He gives Dean his right one – there's less oil on it – and bites back a fond remark when his brother grips his fingers tighter than expected. Dean is fighting against falling asleep with all his willpower to not leave Roman alone with his worries.

'Don' go there. 'm your brother. Do anythin' for ya.' He knows. And he's glad he has found someone like Dean to light up the darker days of his life. His brother is very passionate about this whole thing and Roman kind of finds joy in Seth's misfortune, because he isn't the one to know the true promise of it.

Dean would rather abandon Seth once and for all than leaving Roman behind. And if that doesn't slow down his heartbeat and lets his anxiety vanish, he has no clue what else could.

'And Seth?' he needs to ask, just to make sure Dean still knows what he's talking about. He feels warm fingers wrap around his own again as Dean tugs them towards his chest. 'Shh,' he reprimands him once again, 'no more talking. Jus' you 'n me.'

Just him and Dean. It has a nice ring to it.

As if he'd somehow sensed that he was about to get pushed into the background, Seth writes him again and Roman puts the phone on silent. Dean is not yet sleeping, but he's very close and Roman doesn't want to keep him up any longer.

He's heard everything he needed – actually even more. A good night's rest is exactly what Dean should have. Seems like he himself will have a little chat with Seth now. But that's okay. He's not tired anyway. And he can sleep in the car when Dean drives them to the next town.

(Yes, considering their history with cars, that's the ultimate proof of trust and by now, Roman believes Dean is entitled to it. After everything he has done for Roman tonight and will continue to do in the future.)

_I love him. I really do._

Yeah, he gathered that much on his own already. It's kinda hard not to notice. He writes back a _so do I_ , being once again cranky as hell, but doesn't give a shit about it. Maybe Seth needs the reminder that Dean is out of reach right now and that Roman could potentially replace him.

(Not that he ever would start a serious relationship with Dean. He loves his brother, he does. Just not like this. But Dean and he have already started this whole _touching in front of Seth, making him jealous_ thing and Roman could take it to the next level. Taunt Seth a bit. Just for fun. It'd be a really good rib.)

_I'm going to fix this. Dean and me. All three of us._

There a voice ringing inside of his head, asking _Do you even want that? Aren't you happier with only Dean around?_ and he hates himself for letting it poison his thoughts. But it has a good point when it breaks the news to him that Dean will change as soon as he and Seth are an official thing. That their relationship, their brotherhood won't be the same anymore.

_you can try_

'Wha's he sayin'?' Dean mutters, tongue heavy and voice thick with sleep. Roman is quite surprised he's still awake. He uses that moment to untangle their hands and repositions himself on the bed, sitting next to Dean, leaned up against the headrest.

Dean doesn't move, eyes closed and face completely relaxed. (It's in that moment that Roman decides to not care about the stained sheets for tonight, since he probably won't get any sleep himself anyway. And forcing Dean to get up again would just be unnecessarily mean.)

_I will. I owe it to you._

He does. And there's a favor Roman will ask of him later. For the moment he's just glad that Seth finally realized that he has to make it up to two people; not just the one he holds so dearly.

'That he loves you.' It's the right thing to say. Roman has learned these past few weeks that lies get you nowhere – they just ruin everything they had arduously built up over the course of three years in no time.

Dean hums, a smile dancing across his face and it's the first time that Roman sees him taking the news so even-tempered. He should keep that in mind, in case Seth asks him about some advice in the future. Just tell him you love him while he's on the verge of falling asleep and he'll be completely under your spell.

He rubs his left hand on his sweatpants to get rid of most of the oil and pats Dean's head gently before bending down and planting a small kiss on his hair. When he retreats back and catches Dean's almost face-splitting grin, he allows himself to feel giddy and warm because of it.

_I never wanted to hurt you._

There we go. Finally. Took him long enough to figure out that he didn't only turn on Dean. Roman watches with one eye how Dean's back moves up and down with each breath he takes, while he simultaneously writes back to Seth: _but you did. you still do._

His little brother takes his sweet time answering, so Roman gets up very carefully and tugs the blanket out under Dean in slow motion to cover him up when the deed is done. Seth has already replied, begging him to give him more time, so he can concentrate on one task at a time.

_fine, whatever. you can start with helping dean get a spot for your ladder match_

Roman turns off the lights and sits back on the bed, while listening to the sounds of the city outside. Now that he's stuck in the darkness with only Seth to keep him company he gets tired too. At the moment, talking to that kid is like getting the life sucked out of you.

He just closed his eyes when Dean speaks up again, scaring him to death. He almost falls off the bed, only barely able to hold onto the headrest to balance himself. 'He loves ya too, y'know?'

Deep down, he does. Never stopped believing. But a lot has happened, a lot of blood was spilled and Roman isn't exactly willing to forgive Seth just like that because they used to be family. Even brothers have to admit they made a mistake.

Roman has accepted Seth walking out on them in March without hearing those words and he never once complained about it. This time though he wants to be able to look back at this moment in the future and think: I don't regret a thing.

'Shh.' It's his turn to silence Dean, gently stroking through the messy, dirty blond hair, tucking stray strands back behind his ear. 'Just sleep.' Dean opens his mouth, most likely to protest, but not a single sound comes out.

Roman sees his lips moving when his phone lights up again, Seth's name popping up on the display, but Dean is more important right now. There is obviously something he wants to say before he forgets it during his sleep.

'I,' he eventually starts, Roman hanging at his lips as if he's about to hear all of Dean's history, scooting a bit closer in the darkness to not miss even a single syllable.

He what? Seriously, Dean can't let Roman hanging the air like this. He would like to eat pizza for breakfast? He misses Seth? He loves Roman too?

But Dean has finally fallen asleep. No matter how long Roman waits, he won't speak up again. Whatever moment they had, it's gone now. Seems like he'll have to wait until Dean is ready to open up once more. Whenever that may be. _If_ it'll ever happen. So, Seth it is then.

_I'm working on it._

Which means he doesn't have a clue yet how to get Dean in the match. He actually has to smile at that. Seth, the master of all plans, is at the end of his rope.

(Roman knows that Seth can't concentrate on every little detail like he used to because his thoughts are always revolving around Dean, but it still feels good to know that even Seth can't solve everything. It's time the kid realizes that he's not alone in this. That Roman and Dean are smart individuals too. And that Dean is also very manipulative and creative. Or spontaneous, however you want to call it.)

Bottom line is: Seth isn't fighting this war on his own; he needs to let go of some things – should add luck and coincidence in the equation too – and trust his family to do the right thing.

If Seth can ask for their blind faith, he should be willing to give it to them too.

_you don't need to. give dean free reign._

He's able to sneak into the bathroom to wash his hands and clean up his phone before Seth replies. Roman can almost hear the younger's voice in his ears, sounding defeated yet stubborn when he reads the line _Hunter won't put him in the match_.

Of course he won't. Not if Seth doesn't beg for it. But that wouldn't be logical, right? Seth needs a valid reason to go to his new sugar daddy, to tug at his coat and look at him with those puppy eyes, asking for his old sandbox friend to be in the match, so he can break his neck with a ladder.

And Dean will give Seth a good enough reason to do that. Unintentional or not, Dean will do something irrational but undoubtedly very clever to earn a spot in that match. There are no two ways about it.

_i know. we all do. still, wait for his move before you do anything rash._

He crawls under the cover too and turns away from Dean, who's peacefully sleeping, a small smile grazing his lips. Whatever he's dreaming of, it must be good. Maybe they'll even be able to make it through the night without one of his nightmares.

_What move? Did he say anything?_

Did he say anything about me? Seth hasn't added those words but Roman can see them nonetheless, knows Seth has already typed them before he deleted them again, just to write and erase them once more. He is dying to know about anything Dean might have said about him, their current muddled situation or their possible future.

Roman decides it's best to ignore that unspoken question. Pissing Seth off is only funny if he can see the other's face. Even though Roman would love to make a remark about him and Dean getting cozy, how they're not even bothering to talk about their little brother.

(It would drive Seth crazy until he'd crash into their hotel room fiercely, trying to stop something that's only taking place in his head. Now that he thinks about it, the temptation to just do it is almost too much to handle.)

So before he types any stupid shit, he answers: _what move? as if dean ever knows what he'll be doing. but he's as cunning and scheming as you. you'll recognize his move when he makes it._

It's almost time for the sun to rise again and Roman curses his own stupidity to not get some hours of sleep when he had the chance. He'll be a wreck for the next few days. Or more like a zombie.

Honestly, he can't wait for Dean to wake up again, so they can check out of this hotel and travel on. The prospect of sleeping in the car seems like the best thing in the world right now. Wait, why did he think it'd be a bad idea to get some rest in a spacious bed? Right. Why sleep comfortably tucked away on a soft mattress when you can have the hard and unforgivable back seat?

He's so not making the right decisions in life.

_Don't worry, I got this._

He'll have to. And Roman knows that he will, because Seth thinks it's his life-task to look out for Dean; to protect and shield him. But it is Roman's too. Contrary to Seth, Roman knows that Dean doesn't need a constant guardian. He just likes to know the prospect of one is out there.

But maybe that's part of this whole Dean/Seth thing. They're two sides of the same coin, unable to live with or without each other, destined to be together as soon as they can find each other in the maze of life.

Seth cares for Dean so much that he sometimes forgets that his brother is an individual, able to make his own mistakes (wanting to make them even, so he can learn from them) and decisions. Seth is so concerned about everyone's well-being that he tends to ignore what's right and what's wrong.

It's like Roman said, Seth still has a lot to learn. He doesn't know it any better at the moment, even though he is so incredibly smart. Roman should take him under his wing again. Some day. Maybe.

God, this is one fucked up family. (Strangely, that's exactly how Roman likes it.)

_famous last words._

The first rays of sunlight invade their little hotel room and Roman turns back towards Dean again to block out the light for as long as his body can cast a shadow over his best friend.

_I got this._

Yeah. He better does. Or Roman will kick his ass into the next millennium.


End file.
